Craig Jay

Who knew 2 litres of Strongbow could get me as drunk as it did. I'm typing this now because I'm drunk. Last week was quite good, I passed my assessment for the entire year but I'm quite paranoid that it won't get shown because I gave the DVD to Julie, not to Marcus. Anyway, the private showing is on the 20th May, the same day I'm seeing Deal or no Deal with Lucy and Rosie which I'm looking forward to. I don't even remember much of tonight, mainly because I was dancing a lot, I spent all of my money, food, entry and drink cost £9 all together which is all I had but I can scrounge together enough for tomorrow night.

Last week was Alex's moustache party, I remember meeting a girl that said she was going to be on my course next year but I can't remember who she was. I don't remember much else. I seem to be an extreme lightweight when it comes to alcohol, not so good. Suppose to be going on a gay night out tomorrow, I hope Leanne, Jade, Tom and Nicola come out, will be well fun despite lack of alcohol and money..

I got council tax through the post yet again, even though I sent off proof that I'm a full time student. Ridiculous, I won't pay it because I've done all I can.

My car is still at Emmas, it's quite distressing that my car is somewhere that I can't get to that easily, yeah it's like 10 mins down the road but the walking distance for me is a loooong walk if I think about it.

Job hunting was fun last week, I got 4 applications and gave about 6 CVs out, I need to give way more out to actually stand a chance to get a job. I watched Somersault which is one of Steven's favourite movies, it means a lot to me and to him because it's the reason why he went to Australia. I showed pictures of Steven to my friends and they said they would do him so it's a nice lil' compliment in a subtle way. They are even re-scheduling when they go home just so they could meet him when he gets back.

I have literally had hiccups for the past three hours, no lie. something must be wrong with my breathing or swallowing or something, it just hasn't gone away. Sucks.

Minnie couldn't give us a lift back home which is fair enough, there were 5 of us and we wouldn't have fit in a 4 seater car, Jade, Leanne, Luke and I went home until an unused taxi rolled up and we jumped in that. Lava was well good as usual. I remember burning my fingers because I was trying to get my friend a cigarette, she dropped it, I tried to pick it up, was drunk, burnt my fingers. I think that is how it happened.

I watched non-stop Heroes on Sunday, it's OK but it's no LOST.

Monday was spent in Uni doing basically nothing, came home, 10 minutes later had the landlady round to inspect the house with the gas men. Sounds sexual. It wasn't. Because of the burglary she basically thought it was our fault for not locking the inside door. Bitch. She was also annoying because on the Sunday we all cleaned the house then the landlady came round and said we need to clean. Utter cow.

Monday night was spent at Lava obviously. Went round Emmas first, got very drunk, we were all given dares to do like steal a shot glass etc. I failed to remember these dares and didn't do any of them. I spent most of the evening on the smoking terrace talking to these people from Empire, either the club or the cinema, I got two of their numbers to try and get a job of some sorts. We saw Maxwell, Emma got farr too excited. There was a guy I spoke to, he spent about 10 minutes telling me how great it was that I'm Bi at my age and to be so proud and open. He kept comparing his Bi sister to me for some bizarre reason. Can't remember much else except having a go at these guys who thought Emma and Minnie were "fiiine", remember having a half pounder and chips. So so nice.

Tuesday was spent in Uni again, doing basically nothing. Except a guy fell asleep in class and Maxwell drew a cock on his face. With a Sharpie. He didn't realize for ages. He went outside to the other Uni with a penis on his face. Nice. He took it quite well when he found out, still hilarious. The job centre people phoned me and asked for me to come in for an interview for Thursday to help me out with jobness. Tuesday night was our lil' Wii night, people came over and we played it, Leanne was good at bowling, I was good at tennis. Just. She had never played it before so I was shocked. Shocked. No one was good at Skiing. Everyone went out to Gok Off and things whilst I stayed home due to lack of funds.

Wednesday I finished editing the film, showed Julie, she said it was "fab" except you couldn't see the pregnant girl's bump so the whole point was lost. Apparently. We can't film due to the actress being unavailable. Ah well. Steven wanted to make us official on the ol' Book of Face so that made me extremely extremely happy, after so long it was good to say that we're officially together. :D Later on Jade, Leanne and I went to Odeon to see 'Wolverine', I didn't care if the film was crap because the cinema screen was awesome, it's round so the screen takes up your whole point of view, it's mega-intense. Anyway, the film was good I thought, Charlie from Lost was in it which I thought was weird but was still good.

Thursday I went to the job centre only to get told that I can't claim for Job Seekers Fund because I'm a full-time student. On the phone they said nothing about it so it was all a waste of time. The woman who 'interviewed' me said about the people on the phones "oh god they're getting worse and worse, we must have some new people doing the phones", rubbish. Rubbish rubbish rubbish. Hardly did anything that day except watch films with housemates and do work.

Friday, me, Jade, Leanne, Nicola and Jade's friend went to Thorpe Park, I made sure we went on Tidal Wave. It was very sunny and very hot but a soon as we were just about to go on it, it became cloudy and cold but we went on it anyway. Luckily when we came off the sun came out. Leanne and Nicola were Thorpe Park virgins so it was exciting for me to lead the way and give them Thorpe Park tips and tricks. Hah. We went on X:/ No Way Out, pretty rubbish. Nemesis was still pretty good. Rumba Rapids was rubbish, the sprinklers weren't on so I didn't get wet. Teacups were ok but Jade felt ill. Stealth was still as scary as fuck. I never liked that ride because you can't hold on anywhere. It's terrifying. Not worth a 60 minute wait to be honest. Burger King was goood, 60p extra to 'supersize' my chips and drink. Totally worth it. Tidal Wave was amazing, although I was very confused because I thought Tidal Wave had water actually on the ride not just at the bottom. Saw is still the best ride, took 80 mins, the DVD wasn't working so we were gutted. Colossus is still a load of fun, only took 15 mins to queue. It was a good day, ended badly by a massive headache but with 10 pints of water, 4 tablets and some food, it was gone 2 hours later. Some people came round and played Ring of Fire, they were quite rubbish but it was funny watching them drink a lot.

Saturday Steven phoned me again, makes me miss him even more than before if that's even possible. Counting down the days an' all. Jade, Leanne and I went to a BBQ, we knew no one there except the odd recognizable face, we were a bit in the corner and out of the second Ring of Fire of the week. Rubbish. We went home and left Jade there because they were her friends and we felt out of it. Later on Emma phoned me asking if I wanted to come to a house party that was literally a 5 minute walk from my house, so I went. It was a jungle-themed party but it wasn't as "bangin'" (as Charlotte put it) as we hoped. After smoking (not me) and SHOUTING Borat quotes (also not me) we went to Emmas, I got very drunk very quickly, Jägermeister goood. Can't remember much else except waking up in the sauna that is Emmas bedroom. Nearly threw up in the morning, not good but soon fixed it with egg sandwiches.

Good times.

Went to see Golden Balls with Rosie and Lucy, it was a lengthy process filming the whole thing. Took three hours for about a 45 minute show, they had to get every shot perfect and Jasper Carrot had to remember everything, pretty hard. The studio itself is really small, didn't think it would be and the audience size is only about 50 people if that. Four old women were sat in the front but they had to move waay at the back beacause family and friends are suppose to sit at the front. They got pissy. There was this unfunny 'warm up guy' who was suppose to make us laugh when the filming stopped and the contestants were briefed on what they had to do etc. He wasn't funny. The only time he was funny is when his mic pitch went higher so he sounded like he was on helium and he found it hilarious. Jasper Carrot is really nice but I just felt bad whenever he cocked his lines up. Apparently the last round was one of the worst ones they've ever had because they picked three killers in a row. I bet the episode won't come on TV until June but I'll still watch every episode. We had to make an 'ooooo' sound whenever a killer was revealed and clap whenever anything over £1,000 was revealed. Way fun. Lucy and I kept cheering whenever we clapped just to get our voices heard. Before going in to the studio we stroked the Blue Peter dogs, I saw Dick & Dom, we saw a news presenter, Phil Tufnell and a newsround presenter. Good times.

Filming this week was good, we got everything done, found our actors and locations, it was pretty much smooth sailing which is pretty rare for us. We went to Ringwood Library to film and the Andy's house in Ringwood too. The actors were great, we used Elfa for our test shoot and really liked her so we used her again.

The big kinda thing that happened this week was our house in Bournemouth getting robbed, 2 laptops and my PS3 got knicked, it's strange though because all 4 of us are hardly ever out of the house at once, the one time we do, we get robbed so we think someone is watching the house or something. Our area is targeted as one of the main areas because of all the students and because we're mainly art students we have expensive stuff so it sucks a lot. Mike reported it to Police and went round the pawn shops to check. A CSI woman came round to dust stuff but didn't find any fingerprints. We're just going to be extra careful about locking doors and stuff because we don't know how they got in.

Steven rang me today much to my excitement, he had some news which made me extra happy. Had to clean the house also, didn't do much but I'll sure do some now! Landlady/people are seeing the house so we've got to clean our arses off.

Last week was my sober week, my liver needed recovering so it was my mini-Lent to give up alcohol. Except Friday where I did drink quite a lot.
I can't remember much of last week but I'll just recap it.

One of the tutors that helped out at 'Back to the Pictures' contacted me and asked to help out a band with a music video. The band is a death metal band...yeah. I met two out of five members last week about ideas and things, they are really nice guys but it was a bit surreal, little ol' 18-year-old me helping this Death Metal band. One of the band members walked out twice because he didn't like what everyone was saying. He said something like "I don't want people to think we like having fun with our music, I want a serious grim video with us just playing live", they had a huge discussion about being passionate about the music they were writing etc. People who know me know that I'm not a huge fan of serious music talks, I think you should just enjoy music and everyone has their own tastes so keep it to yourself. Anyway, we decided to go to the location next month then film one of their live performances, see what happens.

For our Uni project we had to film a test shoot for our Critique. It was a success despite Aleksandra dressing up in my clothes so she could become this different character. Took an hour and a half. We had a good response when it came to the Critique, for our final film we just have to add more characters and build it up better with the script etc. Bigger and better basically. Quite excited.

On one of the days our group started to talk about pizza because I ate a Chicago Town £3 pizza from Asda because the advert said that people think its nicer than Pizza Hut and Dominos. I still prefer Dominos but my god was it nice. After all this talk we eventually went to Pizza hut. I ate 15 slices at the buffet, that's a record for me. That's basically two large pizzas. Like 30p per slice or something. Well good.

Denney, Millie and I went to a Pyjama party. Realized we don't have slippers to wear so we went to M&S (gross) to buy some, I got called a Grandad the entire night just because I bought grey slippers. I remember a really really too-skinny guy kept kissing my neck and saying I was the gay one? Unless I dreamed it. Don't know. It was an OK party, kind of regret drinking a lot when we didn't stay that long. The wallpaper reminded me of OK Go so I was happy.

DazProc came to Bournemouth yesterday, we sat on some rocks at Sandbanks and got drenched. It was bullshine. Stupid tall waves. He stole my pizza. I hid his wallet in a lamp. Revenge. He thought he was Jesus too some other time last week because he walked really far out into the water at Sandbanks so from far away it looked like he was walking on water. Idiot.

Also, out of 120 students apparently my essay was the best. So proud about that. Any essay I write that involves referencing Eternal Sunshine, Elephant and Shawshank Redemption is going to get high marks. :)

So I want to write all this emotional crap that I'm going through at the moment concerning relationships and shiz but whatever I wrote I felt mean publicly broadcasting it about someone so I won't do it. I'll do one when it's right to. :) 

What a week. I apologise for the length. That's what she said.

Starting off with Monday..obviously. Darrell, Amber, Darryl and Robyn came to Bournemouth. We all went down to the beach, it wasn't that Sunny but it wasn't cold. We buried Darrell, we played frisbee, went to KFC where everyone got a Snack Box, went into the Town Centre for Amber to buy nerdy clothes for the night, went into New Look, us guys got a tad bored seeing as they don't do a men section, so we sat outside, we then headed off to Asda to buy alcohol and food. Later on we came back to mine, had the food, had the alcohol, watched Twilight - sorta, didn't think it's that good but I'll watch it properly later on, got ready by dressing up as 'Geek Chic' - no idea why, got a taxi and went to Lava. Can't remember much else. Apparently I made beans on toast when we came back and cut myself really deep, which is true because I still have the cut today. I also threw a lot of things in my bedroom apparently because I was pissed off..again. Don't know why.

In the morning after dropping Amber and Darrell off, Robyn, Darryl and I went to McDonalds to cure our hangovers, seeing as I had no money I had a Chicken Burger from one of the Instant Wins that Darryl had. It was good. We all felt and looked like shite, Darryl looked like a Beatle member, Robyn was still in her PJ's and I looked like a lego man. Later on I got my haircut to Grade 6 - (reminder for me), which I really like
so I might keep it for a while. After that went for a walk with Darryl and his dog round Bursledon, going into graveyards and exploring the ghost town that is Bursledon, I had so so so much trouble saying post apocalyptic, say it. It's hard. Later we went round Starlings to waste time until she went to the gym because she's good like that. After an hour of being late, Starling picked up Russell, we were dropped off at Avondales where I met up with Lumley, she bought me a Cider Black, she also bought Dazza one but he didn't like it. We went to Buddha Lounge, danced, everyone left, Darryl got pissed off with me for dancing with his friends when he wanted to leave or something? 90° was next, I was quite drunk at this point seeing as I had to be reminded just now about the night. Anywhoo, 90° was OK for a bit, can't remember any of it, was quite under the influence and very awkward with Darryl's friends because they were all the ones that I don't speak to that often, if Robyn/Laura etc was there it would've been ok, seeing as Lucy was working, decided to visit her seeing she was literally next door thinking it wasn't a big deal at the time, being drunk. Blatch was there with the boys which was a nice surprise, Darryl texted me asking where I was so I told him, talked to Lucy a whole lot because I missed her. And love her. Anyway, I eventually went back to 90° don't know when. Sat down for ages apparently, took a photo of Scott and Phoebe for some bizarre reason and ... went home? No idea.

Wednesday, Procca and I went to R.H.S to have a HIV test, I didn't really want to do it because ya know, nervous about every little thing. He eventually persuaded me, it was the most nerve-racking, painful, embarrassing experience of my life. So what better way to explain it in great great detail? Started off getting lost in the hospital, even though Procca had been there before apparently. We filled in a form, I found a pen on the floor which helped because they ran out, bastards. Darryl went first basically, had to sit by myself for ages.
I had this Asian woman and an elderly woman in the room, the Asian woman asked me all these awkward questions, she was trying to get it out of me that I'm gay, took her a while. How long has it been since I've had sex with a girl, how long had it been that I had sex with a guy, what type of sex was it? etc etc. After that they stuck a swab down my throat, I gagged, they laughed - bitches. She then prodded my groin then stuck a cotton bud thing down my japs eye, stung like a bitch, "does your foreskin pull back comfortably?" Was a bit weird. I then did a piss in a pot which was the easiest part - rather messy though to be honest - if only they made the pot bigger damn it. Had two blood test things, I couldn't watch the needle go in, didn't hurt though.

The final part of the test were for Gonorrhea, this is when an overweight Indian friendly-yet-harsh middle-aged man asked me to pull down my trousers and pants, lay on the bed only to stick a tube up my arse, he then swabbed the inside of it which was the weirdest sensation I've ever felt. He said "seems pretty clean to me", what am I suppose to say? "Thanks?" I think I did actually. Probably the most surreal part of this whole experience is the conversation the Indian Doctor had with me after he shoved a tube up me. Because I had a I HEART NY T-Shirt on, he asked me "Do you really like New York?" I said "No." He then went into this in-depth conversation about how he spent $100,000 on a party in New York on the set of Spiderman. I just couldn't engage in this conversation knowing what I've just gone through. So bizarre. It was funny how after this, the Asian Nurse was so uncomfortable asking me if I wanted free condoms, she asked it under her breath like feeling my balls wasn't embarrassing enough.

After this, Darryl and I went to my house, played on PS2, had food, he got ready, Starling picked Robyn and us up, I drank and spilled a lot in the car, we drank in town for a bit in the street, I pissed on this building I remember whilst Robyn poured away a pint of lemonade, to be fair she wasn't going to drink it, we went into a Pizza/Chicken place to drink our alcohol because it was warm in there. Got very drunk as I don't remember much else. We ventured into the Edge, had an argument with Darryl about something, he didn't give my phone back because he was texting my friend to see if we flirted or something, this happened for a while to the point where I punched him, I remember the old skinny guy behind the bar saying "you got to leave now darlin'", so I did. On the way out I saw Tash and Katie which I felt bad about because I was bugging Katie about coming out all night. I walked up the road, then ran, a lot, I remember collapsing in a hedge and getting a muddy knee, I ended up in St. Denys where I talked to a prostitute, she asked if I was "looking for business, it's £20", I think I laughed, said no, then walked off. I remember signing a load of things because I had my Sharpie. At this point Katie and Tash were in the car with Darryl trying to find me, I got to Northam Bridge where they found me, apparently I was threatening to jump. I walked home with Darryl, can't remember that.

The next day I went to my Gran's house, she has something wrong with her unfortunately, I was nearly in tears because it's so awful, she can't tell the difference between dreams and reality, she was talking about how she saw these two dead bodies in her neighbours garden, my mum and sister had to pretend that it did happen because otherwise it'll just confuse her more. She 'randomly' made chips which weren't made properly and a "collection of bits and bobs", we didn't even know what they were, but felt like we had to eat it all to make her happy. I just can't imagine her like this, even seeing her like it I don't believe its her.

Later on that day I went back to the hospital with Darryl to find out if we were HIV negative/positive, we're both negative so that's good. I also don't have Syphilis but Darryl didn't get that result back. We have a vaccine for Hepatitis B in a week and a bit to see if we are immune to it so we won't get anymore treatments for it. Fun. I also find out if I have Chlamydia and Gonorrhea by text in two weeks. Later on I went to Jacks, he took me to this place where there were 6 Magpies, I had to say the little rhyme, I think 6 is for Gold? We then bought Alcohol, my neck started to bleed for no reason whatsoever but everyone was staring, had to pay for this Vodka whilst holding my neck, not a good look I must say. After going back to his Esme, Katie, Kathy and Flo came round, we then got a bus into Southampton. Took absolutely ages queuing up for a blimin' stamp, rest of the night was good though, I remember getting off the dance floor to get another drink but then something good would come on to make us dance to it, this happened like 3 times in a row. Had to ignore Darryl that night just in case something kicked off, Fry gave me the wrong impression about keeping me away from him though so I thought ignoring him the whole night would be a good idea. Drunken texts from Joel. Trying to find everyone all the time. Talked to Boardman. Talked to Venn. Fry got waay too drunk but it was good sitting with her in the smoking terrace, good to have (cancer-filled) air, and I got quite sober eventually and reasonably early. Jack and I queued up for ages for a taxi to get to Chandlers Ford, still need to pay him back for that.

Friday we watched The Inbetweeners on 4oD because he has BT Vision which is only good for that reason, met some of his family-ish, then I went back home. Dropped Darryl's stuff off. Eventually picked up Alex then met Rosie & Lucy at Mono. They were with these 4 other guys, only two of them were attractive apparently. One of them had 8-sized shoes but they were huge. After a long talk about Lucy's children and who was and wasn't Grizzly Adams, Alex and I went to my car to get drunk, I drank half a bottle of Vodka but with a lot of Pepsi. We then went to Giddy Bridge where we met with this guy called Max, he was pretty cool, Rosie got offended because Max said she was "subtlety attractive". I got addicted to the machines, we played Golden Balls, Deal or no Deal and Family Guy. We lost. We talked to the guy behind the bar who WAS Grizzly Adams then headed off to Revs. Rosie danced, Alex spilled his drinks and spoke into my mouth instead of my ear most of the night, Max flirted with Alex and Lucy went with her Rev friends for the most part and did her lil' drunk thing by saying "I LOVE THIS SONG!". Everyone couldn't decide where they wanted to go afterward but all I knew is that I wanted a burger or something because I was complaining to Alex that I was hungry for an hour before we left. I got nowt. Max couldn't get out of my car and he couldn't find his keys. I raided the fridge when I got home with some left over pasta which was goood.

Saturday morning I made egg sandwiches, watched Hairspray then went back to Bournemouth. Watched all of my shows that I missed this week including "oh my fuck" Lost. South Park was also genius:

"I'm a gay fish
I really get around
I’m a slut of the sea
When I say I got crabs
I mean it literally
I was eating dinner
And just had to go down
On that mackerel on the dish"

Kanye West as a Gay Fish. Brilliant. Today was good too, Steven gave me a ring, he told me where he was and I looked it up on Google Earth and Street View so I saw the phone booth he was calling me from, effing weird. Procca and I went down the shop to get pizza with the woman who looks like she could shit herself at any moment. Blimin' expensive too. We got microwave chips that were a rip off. Jade came back too today! We watched 'Marley & Me' which was OK, 'Knowing' which was shit and Mean Girls (again). Pretty good week I must say.